nine is fine.

  

2014, Tacna, Perú.                    2024, Santiago, Chile

In honor of today marking 10 years since I landed in Peru and funny enough 1 year and 2 months of being back in South America, and on my way out... Here's what I would say to the me of 10 years ago who was about to start her first school year:

(Fresh out of college embarking on a two year adventure in Tacna, Perú as a JV and a teacher... )

"This is not the only time your heart will break,

this isn't the only goodbye, this isn't the only thank you for crossing my path, the only did I do that right ? the only group of kids you'll love and miss when they move on, the only discovery, the only little light shining through the hard days, the only deep breath taken, the only leap into the unknown, the only long day, the only kindergarten graduation, the only 1st Communion, the only parent teacher conference, the only challenging parent, the only incredible parent, the only amazing coworker, the only sleepless night, the only overslept morning, the only holiday spent recovering, the only new hobby explored.....perhaps they were firsts and maybe they will be lasts but life will give you many...  many people that will leave, many people that will stay, many injustices will be witnessed, many triumphs will be had, many good times just as much as the bad times...

Through it all you'll recognize your strength and your power, but most importantly you'll recognize that leaving doesn't make you weak because loving makes you strong, loving the you that has emerged, loving the one you're becoming and loving the adventure that is this one life we have to live. 

And nine, nine is fine."

Maybe this IS my last school year but its only the beginning of something else just as wild and incredibly magical and beautiful. 

Here's to packing my bags, dancing the last days I have left in Chile, boarding a plane with tears in my eyes... derecho a lo difícil.

the space

What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

we all know this question, we've all heard it and we continue to ask each other, ALL THE TIME.

so what are your plans after this?

after this.

this?

THIS is all we have mi gente

the present moment

the here, the now, el aqui, el ahora

I plan to LIVE the rest of my life

but, let's hear it, for real for real...

What do I feel inspired to explore more deeply at this point in my life?

side note, real quick:

Enrique Iglesias...

yes ENRIQUE

he came out with a new song

with Miranda Lambert (a while ago now)

my latina raised in alabama heart was warmed

They talk about having a space in their heart for someone or something

it is super sweet and cheesy claro

but my point is, we all have space in our hearts for that which hasn't arrived yet

our hearts are expansive

and our hearts know who and what and where is good for them

and thats a sacred space

that doesn't have to be explained to anyone and the one exploring it and experiencing it is you and only YOU.

as I think back on my summer break (Janaury and February in the southern hemisphere)

I give thanks for all those who were placed in that space in my heart

the friends who traveled so far to spend time together and visit some of the most amazing places on earth with me

the family who loved me in this in-between when I was feeling far

the friends who watch me dream and somehow feel as if they are standing right next to me even though they are miles and  miles away

sometimes we are called to feel that space in our heart, to connect with it when it needs some love, to be in tune with it, to guard it, to protect it, to let it be our guide and to love it enough to know what is GOOD

so what about the space?

so what?

there is always room

and if you lean in sometimes you'll just be surprised

What do I feel inspired to explore more deeply at this point in my life?

the here and the now

el aqui y el ahora

I feel like exploring, 

simply,

following those and that which inspires me

letting myself be led 

paving the way

knowing a good thing when I feel it and just going with it

swerving the not so good things

going with the flow

welcoming the heart break

to expand 

into the space

the space in my heart 💓

keep moving

the feeling of defeat

the feeling of triumph

sometimes you get lost.

sometimes you have to walk confidently in any direction

sometimes you have to fight

yourself.

FOR yourself

fight with yourself 

fight to let go of the expectations

to slowly shed them

to let time be

to be

sometimes you feel

ruined for life 

again

sometimes you feel

a taste of home

not a bitter taste

but a sweet taste

sometimes you don't

and its lonely

bare

uncomfortable

fragile

if you look for the light daily

even if its a speck

it changes things

you honor the feeling

let your body feel it too

which takes patience with yourself

grace

and love

self-love

when am I going to feel it again?

Its the feeling of arriving

the freedom

what are you arriving to?

who are you arriving to?

is there a timeline?

no cariño there isn't

there never was 

so give yourself the time

make the space

sit with it

give yourself permission

it may be a while

but it won't be forever

keep moving

you're already there